How to Tell Your DM You're Upset by Their Choices: A Guide for Players

In the world of Dungeons & Dragons, the relationship between players and the Dungeon Master (DM) is ultimately built on trust, communication, and mutual respect. But let's be honest—we've all had those moments when a DM's decision just doesn't sit right. Maybe it's about the rules, maybe it's the story, or maybe it's something that happened to your character. The real challenge is how to bring it up without killing the vibe at the table. This is a common struggle, as seen in a popular thread on the r/DnD subreddit. Here's a look at the core issue and the practical advice seasoned players shared for navigating these tricky conversations.

The Heart of the Post: How Do You Tell Your DM You're Upset?

The original poster was frustrated. Their DM had made a call that felt unfair or out of line with their character. They wanted to express that frustration without creating tension or making things awkward for the whole group.

These kinds of conflicts pop up for all sorts of reasons:

• Character Development: The story takes a turn that makes a player feel their character is being sidelined or treated unfairly.

• Plot Decisions: A beloved NPC meets an untimely end, or the story swerves in a way that feels jarring or unsatisfying.

• Rule Interpretations: Disagreements over how a rule was applied or how a specific event was resolved.

The tricky part isn't just being upset—it's figuring out how to talk about it without spoiling the fun for everyone.

Wisdom from the Community: How to Handle It

Scrolling through the replies, a few key pieces of advice stood out. Here’s what the community recommended:

1. Be Direct, But Frame It Right
The top advice was to be honest but respectful. Ditch the accusatory tone. Instead of saying, "You made a bad call," try something like, "I felt really disappointed when that happened to my character." This focuses on your experience rather than attacking the DM's judgment.

2. Timing Is Everything
Never bring it up in the middle of a session. That puts the DM on the spot and can derail the game for everyone. Wait for a break, or better yet, send a private message or ask to chat one-on-one after the game. A calm, private conversation removes the audience and allows for a real discussion.

3. Get Specific
Vague complaints don't help anyone. Pinpoint exactly what bothered you. Was it the outcome? The way it was described? A feeling that your character's capabilities were ignored? For example: "I was confused because we'd previously established my character's background with locks, so failing that check felt inconsistent to me." Clarity helps the DM understand your perspective.

4. Acknowledge the DM's Side
Running a game is hard. DMs have to balance story, rules, and the fun of multiple people. Starting the conversation with some empathy goes a long way. Try opening with, "I know you've got a lot to manage, and I appreciate all the work you put in. I just wanted to talk about what happened last session with my character…" It shows you're coming from a place of respect, not complaint.

5. Aim for a Conversation, Not a Confrontation
Go into the talk with an open mind, not a demand for a specific fix. The DM might have a reason you hadn't considered. This is a chance to understand each other's viewpoints. Sometimes, just hearing the DM's thought process can resolve the issue.

6. Collaborate on a Path Forward
If something felt truly unfair, work with your DM to find a solution. Instead of insisting on a retcon, you could ask, "Is there a way we could give my character a chance to address this consequence in the story?" Focus on how to move forward in a way that feels satisfying for both of you.

7. Remember It's a Group Game
While you should talk to the DM privately first, keep the broader table in mind. If one person is consistently unhappy, it can affect the whole group's dynamic. If it's a larger issue about the game's tone or direction, it might be worth (gently) bringing it up with the whole group when appropriate.

It All Comes Down to Talking It Out

The big takeaway from the thread was simple: clear, kind communication is the foundation of a good D&D group. Being able to say, "Hey, that didn't feel great for me," without resentment can actually strengthen your game. When everyone approaches problems with a bit of empathy and a willingness to listen, you're not just solving a dispute—you're building a better, more collaborative story.

The Bottom Line

Feeling upset over something in-game is normal. How you handle it makes all the difference. By choosing respect, clarity, and an open dialogue, you can address concerns in a way that leads to collaboration, not conflict. After all, D&D is about creating a fun, shared story together—and talking it out is the best way to keep that story going strong.